My Blonde Moment

The story starts in a dimly lit and eerily quite class room. Dr. S.M. Sajid is trying to explain the Raman Amplifier and YES I do know what that is. It’s a….a….a…never mind! Across the class room, at the very back, I am dozing off…not as usual. Honestly, this is one class I try to pay attention in. But due to a plethora of reasons, foremost among them my hangover from an Aneeque Hassan Special Jhugat session from the previous night I am dozing off. Suddenly, Dr. S.M. Sajid is pointing in my general direction. I try to concentrate on the “doodle” on my copy but to no avail. “Not You!” he says to some over eager student. I belatedly look up casting a sheepish glance in his direction. “Haan Ji aap batain.” I have absolutely no idea what he is asking, so I try to look deep in thought while scanning the slide on display feverishly to get an idea as to what I am supposed to answer. All the while Dr. S.M. Sajid is advancing in my direction meancingly. He repeats the question, I am still clueless. Someone tries to answer, I relax for a split second…but… “Nobody answer! Let him answer!” He effortlessly destroys my faint ray of hope. He is still advancing and I am getting more confused by the minute. Darn, why did I have to sit alone today! Usually Mudi is pretty helpful with these pesky little questions! I think to myself. Dr. S.M. Sajid is 5 feet away from me know. I am trying to hold my own gamely. “Sir mein slide dekh loon!” He moves a little to the right so that I can see the slide but guess what, I am looking for Mudi or Aneeque or anyone to mouth the answer while Dr. S.M. Sajid trains his laser beam of a glare on me. Mudi is looking at me with his famous yet extremely unhelpful “pained” face. I want to scream; Can’t you see I am having a blonde moment here. Just mouth the answer and stop staring at me. But its too late. Dr. S.M. Sajid has arrived. He blocks my access to the world and as if not happy by that victory proceeds to decimate me with these words “This is a pretty simple question.” By now I know all is lost but I have figured out some part of the problem. I am supposed to choose between two numbers. How? That part is still a little sketchy. Dr. S.M. Sajid keeps staring at me. I mumble something that I had just read on the slide. “That’s not the question!” he bellows and proceeds to repeat the question. The humiliation seems to be descending on me in waves but I have to smile despite myself. Mudi is still looking at me with that doleful expression. I can feel the rest of the class focussing on me as well. Just mouth the damn answer you moron, I want to scream at Mudi before I proceed to strangle him! Alas that remains a fantasy and the reality is becoming grimmer by the moment. Dr. Sajid has graciously given me a few feet of space to breathe in and is saying something to the class; most probably about my brillaince but I am too busy looking at the screen and doing “inni minni maina mo…” between the two numbers. You see there is a 50% chance that I might get it right. Though most of the damage has been done I could stop this from turning into Total Annihilation. “25” I say. Bad…very bad…very very bad…baddest descision. Turns out “inni minni maina mo…” is not the best way to do maths after all. Dr. Sajid proceeds to rip to shreds any last vestiges of dignity that I was clinging on to. Now that its over one way or the other I look at the board and suddenly the world is right again. Everything makes perfect sense. I figure out he was asking me if -25 was bigger or -10. You already know my answer. I want to jump out the inviting window but somehow I manage to smile again. How did I get it wrong? Well as they say “I had a blonde moment.”